Getting a good relationship with your teen

Many teenagers have fabulous relationships with their parents and conflicts of coexistence are solved with understanding and understanding

It is thought that the stage of breeding, the beginning is hard. And in a way it is. However, the hardest part comes next. The first years are hard in terms of physical fatigue, children sleep at their own pace (which is often not the parents want), tantrums, unless you eat, if you do not want to take off from adults if we fear if not adapt to school ... infinite number of subjects who are parents know and know by heart.

However after twelve years, sometimes sooner, sometimes later, children begin to take off in an incredible way and start your way to being adults. Abandoned children are no longer "our babies" and although it is the law of life and offers many satisfactions watching them grow is not always easy to adapt to this new stage.

The experts are clear: what is done in children, it is what will come to light entering adolescence. Current trends affect much to banish authoritarian behaviors because I say and the terrible "slap in time" because it does not get anything, well, yes, the opposite of what is desired.

Why adolescence generates many conflicts between parents in children?
-not necessarily generates conflicts, many teenagers have fabulous relationships with parents and the conflicts that arise in coexistence are solved with mutual understanding and understanding. In fact, adolescence, in any case, which brings out conflicts are covered, silenced and mismanaged throughout childhood. When he reached adolescence, a stage in which the human being needs to reassert the relationship has not been built with mutual respect and confidence, begins to have conflicts, because the children realize that their parents are not infallible, and that no always think like them. When children want to start to become independent and make decisions, whether in infancy they were not large and solid pillars of trust, honesty and mutual respect, is now breaking down.

'What you have to base a good relationship of mutual respect between parents and teenagers?
A good relationship between parents and adolescents should be based on authentic communication, listening a lot, talk a lot, observe and accompany. Talk without discrediting the views of the adolescent, without penalizing if what you say seems ridiculous. If you listen to your son, you take time to discuss with him and treat him with at least the same respect with which you treat your best friend; the relationship will flow with ease, confidence and affection. And at this stage they need much support, that we encourage them to make the best of themselves, they know they are valuable and that we care a lot, and especially we accept them as they are.

'What brings about authoritarian parents have?
-A Distrustful, insecure, children with low self-esteem, who obey out of fear, not because they understand the importance of meeting certain standards. Also generate rebellion, desire to break free, to go beyond the limit as an exercise of self-affirmation, even to the detriment of physical and / or emotional self, and worse, people who develop unhealthy relationships with their parents, which can lead to aggression, apathy, depression ... the authority must be given by the trust and respect, not punishment, fear and the arbitrary imposition.

Dialoguing 'and the parents?
They'll have a better relationship with their children and a peaceful coexistence. Ultimately generate happy children aware of their value because they are listened to and taken into account. Teenagers have before them all the opportunities of life, they need to trust, to observe them and we encourage developing their passions.

Is it good to know your children's friends? That is called interest or meddle?

Where are the limits?
It's good, I would say essential, to know your children's friends, both in childhood and adolescence. Meddling is something else, it is to look at your private messages, read your diary or get into your phone, because every human being has the right to privacy and intimacy. But know friends need, know what people will, with whom it relates, which sites will, etc. You'll understand things better allow telling you, and I will give peace of mind.

You'll also be able to see if your child needs advice, or if something fails, because when we have a child that is related to what we call "bad company" is a symptom of something wrong in your bank emotional resources, and we'll have to go to what our son felt at primary and secondary level in order to find a solution. The people with whom our children relate tell us many things about how they are, and ultimately if people are common in the lives of our children are logical that people become regular in ours.

'It is better to sit together to talk, and everyone to expose their reasons for wanting to go and reasons for not wanting to go, and analyze them. Many times parents do not want the child to do something for an unfounded fear or a personal perception, but not objective, of what "is good" at that age. The ideal is to sit down and negotiate and see if we really believe that is something that is not good for your child, in that case, as responsible for the welfare of the child, will have to negotiate with him and explain that is not going to be able to go through this, this and this, but you can still do other things that are more appropriate, or to expose all the arguments, see that the child is responsible and reliable and that is not so important, can be flexible and let go.

The rules must be few and logical and always focused on the physical, emotional and moral welfare of the child. All that can be somewhat arbitrary, we are aware that each house is different, it is important to talk and negotiate with our children to be something consensual, it is understood and therefore work.

Before punishing without leaving try to offer alternatives that you can disassociate itself from those friendships without being a direct and forced, as new groups of recreational and leisure activities and family outings court, that the child can discover a new group of people with who have things in common and with having fun, to make him change circle voluntarily.

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