Basic Guidelines to Improve the Relationship with Our Teenager

We need to know how to speak with the teenager but do not force him to explain his problems. The teenager needs their own private space. As parents we can remind them that we are there to talk to them and advise them whenever they choose or need but will not work if they live this demand as an imposition. If things before the arrival of adolescence have done well and have established proper bonding, the young will go to their parents when needed.

Strengthen their role within the family. We have already said that the teenager is not a child but a young man in transit to adulthood. Therefore, let us give some prominence at home, listen to their opinions, let him participate in decision-making, we promote their autonomy.

If we have any conflict with a teenager, it is important not to impose, at least initially, at our own discretion to force and from the adult perspective. Take care forms (avoid raising his voice if I have to be blunt in its decision). The strategy is to bring you other viewpoints with sufficient grounds for him to choose his path more knowledge, but it is he who gives you the feeling of participating in the decision. This is most effective. As parents, at this time, are not the main reference models, they will be a bit difficult and not always be easy to change certain things. At the end parents will be imposed in some situations and adapt to other input that did not want (the child begins to smoke, drink, want a tattoo, piercing, etc.). We insist here on the need to be flexible (tolerate anything in exchange for avoiding others).

Nor is it about that parent has to be always negotiating anything with their teenagers. The teenager should know that your opinion is important to us, listen and give in when it is reasonable and we think deserves it, but the final decision should take parents.

At this stage usually very good handling, sometimes affectionately (I go home ...), to parents, to take advantage of their weaknesses or circumstances. We see this more in adolescents whose parents are separated and used on either to go getting their immediate objectives (go to the disco, arrive home late, get money, etc.). About the best guidance it is that both parents, at least when it comes to the education of their children, share information, rules, limits and have a same educational styles.

Do not forget you as a parent to be a safe, stable and consistent with what we will ask model. If you are an insecure parent (sometimes punishes the little things and ignores the large, shown unsure what allows you to change the criteria day to day depending on how you are, etc.) can hardly have a good relationship with your teen . Set a good example.

Never argue with a teenager when altered or yourself be nervous or out of it. We have discussed already that in adolescents the explosion of hormones can provide extreme expressions of anger or rage (doors slamming, shock, etc.). So if you add more fuel to the fire we will have more heat. Wait until you have calmed down for establishing dialogue and / or the corresponding consequences (reprimands, penalties, etc.).

Parents are not the friends of their children. First of all are parents and that means, unlike the friend, who has duties and legal obligations towards him, which means making decisions based on the child's needs. Advice friends, parents decide important aspects of the lives of their children. That does not prevent a good emotional relationship.

Take care of your own personal project. Parents involved in leisure activities, hobbies, sport, personal care, etc., regardless of care to their children, usually about most admired and respected by teen models.

In adolescence we mentioned that some challenging behaviors towards parents or other authority figures within a "normal" evolutionary context usually appear. However, if these behaviors are high frequency and intensity and persist over time significantly altering family life, consult a professional psychologist.

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