Consequences of divorce of parents in their children

Divorce rates are increasingly high. This is happening all over the world and Chile is no exception in that.

Divorces have become a recurrent outcome in many families. Children are the most affected in a clearance: show your sadness and before the age of 4 years old of age you perceive everything and develop symptoms as a result.

The increase in the number of divorces in recent years in our country is a painful social reality. Between 40 and 50% of first marriages end in separation or divorce.

Chile between 38 and 45 years of age who are married more than 11 years and less than 20 with a husband who has currently between 41 and 47 years old, are part of the Chilean segment more likely to divorce.

It seems that marriages last less time and it is not uncommon to see parents who are separated by small children, who awaits them foster a long task ahead. It is very important that these parents know which the most common reactions of children are and how to act. Divorcing parents feel guilt and often blame incompetent to fulfill regulatory functions involving rising returns.

On the other hand, when it comes to babies or toddlers, parents believe they do not perceive what happens in your family and this is a mistake, because young boys realize their environment and develop symptoms.

When the separation is a fact and there is no turning back, take appropriate steps to lessen the impact of marital breakdown on children must be priority number one for parents. There are two fundamental things that parents should know: the first is that no one better than they can help their children cope with the crisis and the second, to help their children should be well informed. A restorative effect it has on children, especially in smaller is the following message said by both parents, "although no longer live together, the two you'll keep wanting much life and I will continue to care together ".

Divorce is always for the children a different experience for parents: the family, in which the children were born, grew up and lived all his life, a system that so far offered them support and security they needed to die. The human being at birth requires care from their parents for much longer than any other species and children are aware of this dependence.

Sometimes it is better to separate the couple, to continue living in coexistence conflict situations that negatively affect their children. This could be the case of children who are living difficult situations, for example, constant fights, arguments that end in abuse or alcoholism or drug problems. In such cases, it is certainly more beneficial to them than their parents separate.

Although the couple separated, there must be clarity, that breaks the link is precisely the couple, but the relationship of father still intact, so never stop being parents to their children. You cannot forget that children have rights and basic needs such as food, housing, health care, education and clothing. Meet the basic needs of maintenance for children are critical to their development.

Moreover, children will feel safe only if a climate of trust, respect and affection between their parents there. Considering these rights of children, parents should offer an education based on values ​​such as optimism, responsibility and family, giving their children a civilized, inclusive and social coexistence. That means that both parents continue caring for the child and not just appointments.

Divorce affects the child differently, depending on your age. From 0 to 2 years, for example, the child does not have language or reasoning with what is pure sensation and emotion. Here the child perceives the separation of their parents through change in their routines. If before Dad / Mom was present every evening and was the one who bathed or slept, now has quit and the child realizes this change.

You can give a little explanation to the child in a simple way and in a language suited to it. Although not as important as the fact that allowing the parent who does not live with him, access your child with a certain frequency to that bonding is maintained.

In divorce according to the child from 2 to 7 years are very important acquisitions occur in the child: language and thought develops, although this is still rudimentary. Here, as in the previous stage, it is important to explain the situation with language adapted to the child's age. It is interesting to note that at this time the child's thinking is magical and omnipotent with what the child is considered responsible for everything that happens around him. Thus, even if the child has a language processing tool of thought you may feel guilty about the breakup of the couple, so you must pay attention to this.

Among other things often appear regressions, i.e. the child present behaviors and overcome previous evolutionary stages. For example, children who have already acquired the nocturnal continence suddenly turn to do in bed.

When divorce occurs in children aged 7 to 12 years, it continues to develop its thinking though this is still concrete. At this stage it is necessary to explain the change that will occur because children are well aware and not understand that they are not alert.

Samples mismatch more features of this period are manifested in schools through delay or learning problems, concentration difficulties, relationship problems with peers, etc.

When divorce occurs in children 12 and older, the child continues his intellectual development to achieve a completely abstract reasoning. It will become able to deduce causes and consequences of everything that happens around him. This is why it is very important to talk to him about the divorce, explain what will be the new circumstances and answer any questions you may have.

The silence about what happens between parents increases the anguish of children. With this age manifestations of failure to adapt to the new situation are frequently disruptive behaviors, confrontation or challenge to parents as well as relationship problems or aggression at school.

Regardless of the age of the children, parents have to be very clear, that although the couple has divorced, continue a path as parents together, for the welfare of children and to meet all their needs. If the child shows signs of stress, parents should consult a pediatrician together so that it referred to a psychologist or psychiatrist for child and adolescent that will make an assessment and give them treatment. Psychotherapy for children of a divorced couple and divorced parents can be of great benefit.

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